Pain Management

I am officially complaining about the pain. Yesterday, I was moving pretty well but as of last night and today, I can barely move my leg. It is swollen and very painful. I am taking more pain meds. They are making me tired and loopy. I guess last night I kept waking Abram up for stupid reasons such as having him help me find my ponytail holder that fell out of my hair in my bed. I don't even remember doing something so retarded. All I remember is that my knee was in extreme pain last night. Today, I thought I might have a blood clot and then of course, I thought I was going to die. Called a physical therapist friend of mine who reassured me that I'd make it to my next PT appointment on Monday. I feel horrible that I can't do much of anything. I miss my kids, even Ava (she cries A LOT so at first this was a nice break). I hear her crying in her crib and I just want to pick her up. I know she misses me. When Abe is holding her I sometimes see her reaching out for me, screaming. I feel guilty that I can't help around the house. I feel like a defective mom. I need help going to the bathroom. I need help putting my foot up on pillows. The pager on the phone has become my new best friend and I feel as if I use it too much for help and that my family doesn't deserve be summoned to my every painful whim. I want to be in the same room with my family but it's just easier to lay in bed. Mackenzie is becoming really good at filling my ice bag. Brooklyn is doing a really good job a mimmicking how I walk. I can't wait until I can run with them and play with them and take care of our home. I hope this experience makes me a better mom.